I don’t very often get the chance to sit and pour out my feelings in word form. Often I’ll use art to express any strong emotions. Sometimes that works and sometimes it doesn’t.
Right now I’m in the mood for words.
So far 2018 has been a mixed bag for me. I’ve enjoyed a few dates with some beautiful women. On one occasion I enjoyed a second date. It came to nothing but we had a great time all the same.
Earlier today I travelled to see a former girlfriend. We had a relationship throughout the summer of last year. It was a good relationship. We shared a great deal and made a few short term plans.
I felt happy and complete with such a beautiful and warm hearted lady.
But I damaged any chances of it being long term by harbouring intense emotions for somebody else. Somebody who didn’t feel the same way in return. Somebody who, I now know, was actually poisonous to my well-being.
I think it’s fair to say that I’ve learned a great deal about myself in the last couple of years. I’ve learned about what I am able to give and what I would like in return.
I’m somebody who enjoys intensity in most things, but not a relationship. This was indeed a surprise to me.
In music, food, movies etc I love intensity. I suppose in that regard I’m a very black and white person. All or nothing, as they say.
But with romance I’m a little more laid back. Slower.
I like to ease myself into the emotions quite slowly.
Visiting my old flame today I was able to reflect upon it with her. We rekindled the flames very easily and felt completely comfortable in one another’s company.
It was clear that without the distance required to see each other we’d be a great fit for not just a relationship but a close and loving friendship. Soul mates.
But mates we are and to have her in my life is precious to me.
Many people that I encounter see their reflection as being far more important than somebody else’s feelings. Those people are gradually falling by the wayside.
On my journey toward the positive life I have experienced a great deal that feeds me with enthusiasm and teaches me a huge amount about myself. For those experiences I am grateful.