I left the house yesterday lunch time with the intention of detoxing my mind. It worked.
I live a short distance from the beautiful Welsh countryside. Where I live is actually nestled between the Peak District and Snowdonia so going East or West was an option. I chose West.

It’s the sea that draws me the most. The thought of standing by crashing waves is a primal and invigorating feeling and something that will see me drive as far as I need to to experience it.

Yesterday was a snowy day. Saturday night had seen some significant snowfall across the higher grounds and this is what I ultimately wanted to see. There’s some drama and romance for me in becoming ‘lost’.
I have a pretty good sense of direction but yesterday I did indeed find myself down one too many single track roads in the depths of Snowdonia. I can’t tell you how much of a thrill this was.
That mix of risk, fear and exploration is good for the soul, I’m sure.

I didn’t lose focus or become stressed. That wouldn’t achieve too much. I remained in control of my mind and actually managed to use the time to process a lot of junk that had accumulated over time.
There’s something quite surreal and at the same time quite cathartic about staring at a few sheep and coming to terms with where my head is at.

I simply cannot shake my feelings toward somebody who has been a part of my life for a couple of years. This was my primary focus. No amount of snow, mountain, sea or sheep could distract me. But I used such powerful emotions to force the issue, for want of a better phrase.
I tackled them head on. My feelings for this woman.

Why are they so strong?
Why do I feel this way?
How do I move forward?

What surprised me the most is how I spoke to my own mind. How I responded to each question:

Because I wanted more than I knew I could have
Because I wanted more than I knew I could have
Quite simply, refocus and move forward

Tough love indeed. But necessary.
The world is a beautiful place and full of fascinating and beautiful people. People are rich and complex and interesting. The world is not populated by just myself and the lady in question. The world is populated by incredible people who more often than not are considerably more worthy of my time.

Once again I lay my soul bare.
It’s deliberate. By talking ‘aloud’ I move several steps closer to closure. A dreadful and trite phrase closure but fitting I feel since what I need to do is close that door behind me, learn from it and venture forth down a new path.